Stalker

I have had the misfortune to become a victim of stalking.

Yes, stalkingAs in some boy followed me back from my last class of the day to my dorm.

(WARNING: Contains cuss words and is a very long post.)

Monday, October 28th, 2013.

I was so scared. I felt helpless and only an inch tall. I shouldn’t have felt like that; I should have gotten angry, and threw a damn hissy fit and scared the motherfreaker off. I didn’t though. I made sure he didn’t know he was following me, which probably gave him a feeling of power. I don’t know.  I got into my housing unit and slammed the door close, which was locked only the girls in the dorm can get in with a key.

I told Rio, and she was freaked out for me. On Tuesday, October 29th, I had ran to the bathroom after class hoping that would give him the time to just leave and not follow me. I waited around 5 to 6 minutes after class and left the building. I looked up and he was there, waiting for me. I freaked out mentally, forcing myself to nonchalantly glace at my phone and then huff in exaspiration. I made it seem I had to turn the other direction. So I went inbetween the music building and the science building(the one I came out of) and darted to the stairs and up them noticing that he was watching me go down that way. I ran up the stairs and noticed there was a crowd of people around the little park we have in the middle of campus. I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that crowd would stop him.

I traveled the long way to my dorm, and noticed as I turned a corner he was running up to that same corner I just turned. I started brisk walking, turning my earphones up loud. That didn’t stop him. He ran up to me, startling the shizz outta me. I should have just walked away, but me being the stupid person I am allowed him to engage me in a conversation.

He asked me to study with him, I made up a lie so quickly I wondered if he noticed but decided I didn’t give a damn. I told him I like studying alone. I made a move to leave, he told me he was bad at biology (the class we share, unfortunately) and asked if I could teach him. Reacting quickly I shot him down saying I’m not a good teacher. He wanted to walk me home, I said I was meeting a friend at the local on-campus restaurant (let’s call it Chick’s). I texted Rio to get to Chick’s so fast I was surprised my thumb didn’t fly off. He wanted to take me there. I kinda told him yes and left without him. As we walked he tried to get closer to me. I moved away so fast and was so grateful that I saw Rio there waiting for me. She meet me halfway, I halfheartedly said thanks to the guy to make him leave. He didn’t until we got right in front of Chick’s. He didn’t say one word, I felt really out of my element and uncomfortable.

Wednesday he didn’t follow me. But his staring literally burned through me, I was so uncomfortable. I couldn’t concentrate in biology. He didn’t follow me, I went a totally different way with a friend (Vet Girl) only halfway though. I learned today that he followed another girl (Punky), she usually goes the same way as me though so I don’t know why he followed her.

I told my RA slightly reluctantly about this massive problem. Bree acted quickly getting in contact with her boss and in turn got in contact with her boss’s boss who in turn got into contact with the Office of Student Conduct, a Mister C. So Thursday afternoon I spent 3 hours before my class talking to three different people about what happened this past week. I told them he had been staring at me for weeks before he followed me. Seriously I can take staring, whatever, but don’t follow me to my home.

Bree’s bosses and Mister C were all concerned with this behavior. Stalker is an Indian (from India) so I told them I didn’t know if it was culture difference but this behavior has made me uncomfortable and stressed out and paranoid.

Mister C quickly got me a No Contact Order in place, meaning if stalker got close to me or tried to get me to talk to me or go somewhere with him I could call the police. Mister C told me if I tell stalker to leave me alone the NCO will have more of an impact. I told stalker right after class with Vet Girl, Liz  (asian girl friend), and half the class heard me tell him to leave me alone; to not follow me, to not stare at me. Stalker looked nervous, I felt a lot of satisfaction and left. Only for him to call out my name. He wanted to speak with me. I allowed it. Seriously don’t make that mistake of doing that, just ignore them. He wanted my help with the 2 page paper he had to write about the misconduct he did toward me, wanting to tell me a story. I refused and left, meeting up with Liz, and ever since then Liz has been my body guard since by the way.

This week has been horrible because of the stress of this stalker and the things that I have to do like keeping up with Mister C made me totally fail my biology exam. Don’t pity me or slander me. I don’t deserve either, it’s just been a bad week.

The stalker is in my class, and he stared at me during the exam, and he still stares at me.

Oh, I think he is supposed to be suspended because of him being around my housing (he’s not supposed to be around any housing on campus) looking inside of my dorm house. It was unfortunate that I saw it. It was seriously pure coincidence that he was walking in front of the dorm lobby’s window when I was in the lobby. Freaked me out because he seriously wants to see me. I talked to Bree’s boss again and she wanted an update and I told her about the Lobby Window incident and she was concerned, and posted a picture up in the lobby office to show the RA’s that he is not supposed to be in the building or by it and to call campus police.

My friends and I love to go to the 7-11 across the street. We had been there for about 15-20 minutes until he showed up. I recognized him instantly, he didn’t notice me until he was walking into the store. I put my hood up and hunched over, praying that he wouldn’t stay. Sure enough as he walks out of the store his eyes are on me. Thank god I have wonderful, b**chy friends with sky high attitudes. Tardis said “The f**k you looking at??” He didn’t stop staring. Rio said “Keep walking.” He kept walking but didn’t take his eyes off me. He purposefully sat down behind a tree that was about thirty feet to the left of me, making sure he was in the shadows but he could still see me.

He made sure I was still in his sights even with my wonderful friends forming a barrier around me. Rio, Tardis and Bunny were so ready for a show down and ready to kick his ass. Bunny finally finished her cigarette, and we walked back to campus. Rio said he craned his neck to watch me walk away. My creep meter has been broken and is left shattered on the ground.

I don’t know how long it takes for the paper work to get him suspended takes but Lord, I hope it’s soon because I don’t know if I can take his staring without getting angry and kicking his ass myself.

I am not scared for myself anymore. I am so angry that I had to go through this and that he probably thinks its a effing game.

It may seem over dramatic but he ruined the safety that I should feel on my campus, he ruined my relaxation of being alone and he violated me in the worst and easiest way possible and I don’t feel okay anymore. I feel weak and useless and icky.

I don’t deserve to feel this way.

Nobody deserves to feel that way, male OR female.

I want girls to learn what stalking behavior is and how it works. It’s getting more dangerous for us to walk alone now. Please if you believed you are being stalked, call the police. Not your mom or your dad or whoever, please contact the police and make sure this stops.

This behavior is not acceptable or morally appropriate. It is a violation against you,please make sure you know that.

I know my situation wasn’t in the intense phase but it still affects the person it happened to.

Don’t downplay your gut.

Don’t let anyone downplay your concern.

Don’t downplay a victim. Do not mock a victim. Do not allow anyone to treat a victim like it was their fault.

It’s not your fault you have been stalked. You didn’t make him/her stalk you. It’s the STALKER’S fault he has done this to you. It’s his/her messed up mind.

YOU HAVE NO FAULT IN THIS.

Do not allow anyone to victim shame or victim blame anymore. 

Farewell and until next post,

Chaotic Fawn

Edited: March 24th, 2016: Spelling errors, renaming, and various small grammar mistakes.

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