Update On My Boring Life

Hello everyone,

It’s finals week!!! I hate it. It’s even one of the most stressful week of my life and I haven’t even started on the hardest final of them all.

Biology 1 for Majors. And I say this course title with utter contempt.

I probably will have to take the course again. I’m not happy about it, but I understand why I might have to take it again.

I really, really suck at studying and test taking. Both were not my strong point in high school and throwing myself into my major classes, I think, was a mistake.

In high school, (I hope I don’t sound like I’m overly praising myself) I didn’t have to study. At all. Now I sit here in college and I’m lost; totally and utterly lost.

And all biology is is studying and test taking and I SUCK. I tried to get better this semester but this semester has been really hard on me. I shouldn’t use that as an excuse, though I am.

I’m just….not feeling it. The whole biology for a major. It kind of makes me feel depressed as I have been waiting for college to start to become a doctor (now a Forensic Pathologist). Maybe it’s because all the bad situations that have been going on this past 5 months that is making a negative impact on how I see biology. At the same time, I can’t help but feel like I don’t want to continue this path.

I feel like I’m disappointing myself and possibly my parents. Mostly my dad though. He wants me to make more money than he ever did and to have a college degree that can settle me into a job I can keep with it.

It is harsh that I can disappoint my mom but I fear disappointing my dad?
I mean I don’t want to disappoint my mom either but there’s something about disappointing my dad that painfully pulls my heart strings and makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry.

I really can’t take disappointment from anyone. I can take anger and cruel words but just imagining hearing ‘I’m disappointed in you.’ makes me have a sick feeling in my stomach.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. There are so many more careers and jobs out there that could spark my interest. Something out there can spark my passion again.

I just hope I can find it soon and not disappoint anyone.

Until next post,

Chaotic Fawn


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